Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Single Struggle

Photo by Crooked Stream Photography
There are times you think you are alone in the struggle.  At times you think your struggle, your story, is much more profound. You compare each "singleness" story to yours and because you feel your story more, it makes you think your story is the greatest heartbreak story of all time!

A friend just recently shared a blog about her longing to be married and have children.  She was very transparent, letting us in on her struggles.  In my mind, she "deserves" to be married and have children.  Why?  Because she's beautiful, godly, humble, cheerful, fun-loving, has a huge compassionate heart, etc.  I could go on and on why she deserves her desires to be met.

She went on telling us the lies she hears from our enemy, Satan.  Same as what I've heard over and over again in my head.  He's the accuser, and we want to believe all he tells us because we want to find the reason why these desires aren't being met.  His lies seem to reign true.

In reading her blog, I'm reminded I'm not alone.  I have my own story, all us single women do.  And I feel I need to share mine so others will know they aren't alone. And to the single men who read this; please take note of this.  Understand where your single women friends are in their journey, and be sensitive to it.

I'm nearing 40, and I'm not looking forward to it.  Mainly because I feel I wasted my life without a marriage, without children.  And, if I do get married, there may be a chance I will not be able to have a child, due to my health.  There are many other reasons why being single is hard, this year.  And with this struggle, the lies are more prevalent.

- I'm not beautiful enough
- I'm not godly enough
- My past has cursed me
- I'm not adventurous enough to appeal any man
- My figure is unappealing
- My face isn't attractive
- I'm too serious for any man
- Wearing glasses makes me unattractive
- I don't know scripture well enough to attract any man I would want
- I'm so unintelligent, why would any man want me
- My age is making any man run away
- There are far more prettier single women than I.  They are more deserving of a husband than I
- I'm not spontaneous enough, and so set in my ways.  No man will want me.
- I'm not enough.
- There is nothing about me that any decent, godly, man would want
- God has forgotten me
- I must not deserve any such blessings in my life.
- My past decisions has made me deserve to be single
- I'm not accomplished enough
- Why should any man want me
...and the list goes on.

As I scroll through Facebook, it seems to be a running theme in the beginning of my news feed.  Pregnancies, babies, dating/courting, engagements, weddings, wonderful marriages, adventures with your husband, etc...  I find myself starting to become resentful, bitter, angry, and forgotten as I read each one.  I keep thinking, "Don't they know or understand that some of us can't bear this?"  Then I get back to reality, and answer myself, "No, Heather, they don't.  They are living and enjoying these wonderful moments and they want to share with their friends.  It's a good thing."

I have read many, many articles throughout the years about how to be single, how to deal with it, how to have the right perspective, and how to approach it.  There have been times of great contentment, and times of heartache.  I have found being single in your twenties, is different than being single in your thirties.  And as the big 40 is coming into view, it's starting to change on how I deal with being single.  I don't view myself as 39.  I have always had a younger spirit.  But that doesn't change the fact that I'm aging.  To see this reality, is very hard.  What it all boils down to is trusting your God, your Saviour, your Creator.  The one who loves you; more than the universe He created for you!

I don't believe there will ever be a time that there will be a constant contentment in being single.  God created us to long for a companion, to belong to someone, to not be alone.  It will always be there.  And in those times of true loneliness, God will hear your cry, and cry with you.  We need to remember He knows we long for someone; and in time, He will answer us with a husband, or maybe He will provide a great friendship that will fill that loneliness, or a task He has called you to do to glorify Him that will be enough for you to find contentment.

I'm still on this journey.  I'm still learning.  I don't have all the answers on "why?".  But this journey is not how you can get what you want; but to glorify God with what He has given you.  In your loneliness, cry out.  He knows your heart, He knows your pain.  Be honest with Him, but always leave that time quoting His promises and take comfort in them.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understandings.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."  Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

To those reading this and relate; please know I'm praying for you.  You aren't alone in your "single struggle".
God's blessings to you! <3


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